Brisbane Top 5 Restaurants

I will get straight to the point, and if you are interested in reading a little more about how this has come about then please continue to read. AND PLEASE NOTE, these are NOT in order! The top 5 restaurants are:

Esquire - http://www.esquire.net.au/
The Buffalo Club - http://thebuffaloclub.com.au/
Tank - http://www.tankrestaurant.com.au/
Urbane - http://www.urbanerestaurant.com/
Ortiga - http://www.ortiga.com.au/

Brisbane is becoming, very slowly (it must be said) a city which is offering a little more than a piece of overcooked steak, gravy and chips. Food is evolving and the dining experience is becoming one which you feel involved in and understand what Chef is trying to do.

These restaurants are in the Top 5 because they meet all or some of the following: inventiveness; creativity; skill; talent; boldness; and freshness. The Chef's and kitchens who back them are delivering food which challenges on many levels and asks the customer to come along on the journey. The food is constantly changing and meeting new highs - sometimes lows, yet you have to expect that when experimenting - and the feeling of wanting to know how it was done, or even "try this at home" is becoming a staple thought in many peoples mind's when they leave.

I want to congratulate these restaurants, their Chef's, their owner's, the kitchen team and the floor staff who have made them the success that they are. I hope they continue to push the boundaries, explore new methods and inspire a new generation of restaurants in the same vain.

I would like to add, a top 10 is coming, I just need to revisit a few more again to make sure I don't add or exclude one that shouldn't be.

Restaurant Review - Tartufo, Brisbane

Tartufo Restaurant
1000 Ann Street, Brisbane
www.tartufo.com.au
07 3852 1500
Chef: Tony Percuoco

Now to the important bit, the scores. All out of 5.

Overall – 2.5. Not worth it.

Food - 2.5                                             Service - 2
Location - 3.5                                        Price - 3.5
Wine List - 2.5                                       Access - 4
Comfort - 3                                           Cleanliness – 4

There will be many who won’t care a word I write, and many may point to the recent 1 star that Gourmet Traveller (GT) Australia has given Tartufo. So, while I respect GT immensely I don’t know how they managed to get this restaurant so wrong! I don’t know who in the GT office fought and won the right to assign this a 1 star yet maybe a sacking is in order, as this is truly a mistake. I would also like to know if this is the same person who fought and won not to award 1 star to Tony’s infinitely superior restaurant Ristorante Fellini.

I wouldn’t normally begin to compare restaurants based on others reviews, yet if GT is seriously suggesting that Tank Restaurant (awarded 1 star as well) is on the same level as Tartufo then I might have to rethink my monthly subscription. Tank is head and shoulders, well the whole body above Tartufo that this sort of thing is nothing short of disgraceful. Sorry GT, yet come on, you need to justify this one to the wider community as there is not a single person I have met, or a person they have met who thinks you got this one right.

This may in fact be one of the shortest reviews I ever give. Tartufo is an average restaurant offering average fair. Sorry, yet there is no hiding this fact.

This review is coming ahead of others I had planned as this was such a disappointment and such a letdown that I just had to get it out the way.

Maybe Tony never shows his face here and concentrates all his time at Fellini's on the Gold Coast - now this is brilliant - yet his attempt to bring, what I assume to be Italian food to Brisbane is a miss, and a big miss. Try this for a go: porchetta Contadina, which is described as “kingaroy (qld) belly pork filled with lardo colonnata style, sage, rosemary and garlic served with cavolo nero, hot mustard fruits and pan juices”.

Instead, what I got was a big lump of pork chop - not pork belly - with a ring of fat big enough to cause an instant heart-attack with some stuffing – which was more cardboard and sage than anything else, and what tasted, looked like and (honestly) I think was a lumped pile of spinach on the side, along with not a drizzling or fine jus, yet a plate drowning brown liquid.

What has changed since this became Tartufo? Nothing! The previous French 'inspired' restaurant is now just a Italian 'inspired' restaurant. The decor is the same, the staff even look the same - right down to the clothing they wear.

The service at best is disappointing and at worst just appalling.

The only gleam on an otherwise disappointing night was that the starters were exceptional, yet one course doesn’t make a meal.

We decided to opt for the A la carte as the degustation menu looked a little to orchestrated (aren’t they all?), so we choose the meals we wanted rather than what would have been practiced to death and hence should be good.

This is where I will leave this review. This is such a disappointment and given the number of better and 'great' restaurants in Brisbane I couldn’t think of a single reason why you would waste your money here.

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This review, like all restaurant reviews - unless clearly stated, is based on a visit to the particular establishment within a 4 week period of the review. This could mean it was last night, or 3 weeks ago. In an effort not to identify dinners, usually sufficient time will have passed so that hopefully any little peculiarities cannot be recalled to specific dinners, should such an event have taken place.

This review, like all reviews is not to detail the experience in depth, nor detail the menu, nor provide photographic samples of the food, location or anything else. This review, like all reviews is intended to provide some basic information from which you, the reader, can make an informed decision as to whether this establishment is suited to your dining needs and tastes.
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Restaurant Review - Urbane, Brisbane

Urbane Restaurant
181 Mary Street, Brisbane
http://www.urbanerestaurant.com.au/
07 3229 2271
Chef: Kym Machin

Now to the important bit, the scores. All out of 5.

Overall - 4. Outstanding.

Food - 4                                                Service - 3
Location - 4                                           Price - 4
Wine List - 4                                         Access - 3*
Comfort - 4                                           Cleanliness - 5

*Access to the restaurant is extremely good, however access to the toilets - should you have difficulty, is not good at all.

Menu - Degustation or A la carte
Open – Lunch Friday Only. Dinner Tuesday to Saturday. Close Sunday & Monday & PH's.
Price - A la carte: 3 course $95 (ex. drinks). Degustation: 7 course $85, 12 course $140. There is a vegetarian degustation (either as a 7 ($80) or 12 ($130) course)
Dress - Smart/Smart Casual
Type - New, creative, fresh, innovative, no formal food here

Where do I start and what do I say? This is not a case of if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything, it’s more a case of feeling conflicted with my thoughts and where I should aim my comments.

On the one hand I could simply make the comment: "Urbane is a wonderful place to eat so go", and leave it at that, and then I could expand more yet I fear much of that would focus on what I think is wrong.

And please, this is not wrong as in 'you did something wrong' yet more in the way of some basic - restaurant - flaws and a menu (degustation) that tappers off rather than doesn't work.

So, where to start and what to say? As most people have the attention span of 10 secs I will say most the good things now, then they will stop reading and I won’t need to worry about too many people feeling like I am being overly critical.

Appearance, how to describe Urbane? Upstairs is elegant and mirrors what you expect from say a 'fine dining' establishment and downstairs is more 'studyish', 'bookish', 'English club' feel. Yes, I know most of these words can't be found in the dictionary, yet poetic licence dictates. You see, downstairs is dark and moody and dare I say, it has a slight sexy feel to it. Stone walls, lots of wood panels which look aged yet have a tactile look about them, and of course a lovely looking wine cellar from which you can go and have a look - a little like choosing a lobster from the tank.

I don't really know what Urbane's booking list is like yet judging by the 'crowd' - that is, it was full - the night we went I wouldn't leave going to Urbane by chance and hope you might get a table at the last minute, yet hey, give it a try!

Don't take this to mean Urbane is popular, which it is, yet there is a very small number of tables. While I didn't count, I don't think there could have been more than 12 to 14 tables upstairs?

One little tip, many people won’t know there is a downstairs - whoops, given away the little secret now - where there are a couple, and I mean only a couple of tables, so if you want a little more privacy, a little more 'mood' setting and want to be tucked away then make sure to ask for a table downstairs. I should add that this is an area that is more suited to big groups yet I know you can have a table should there not be any bookings that night, well if you ask politely and smile.

However, and I guess this is a big however for some, if you have a disability of any kind which makes getting up and down stairs difficult, or impossible, then a table downstairs might not be the best idea, however you will face this dilemma when you need the toilet.

Now, there could be a hidden lift somewhere - god knows where they could have put it - which could ferry you up and down, yet I think this is somewhat unlikely. Speaking of toilets, these are nice. Big, clean and have a feeling of not just being slotted in as a last thought. The basins are big, you could swing 2 cats around in here, and as many restaurants are doing, there are proper cloth towels to wipe your hands on and put in the basket. Sure not the most environmentally friendly idea yet hey, I don't care, it’s nice not to have to pull out the course recycled paper strips from the ugly silver box on the wall, well I do have such delicate little hands after all, mmm.

The location is a good one, and as the night progresses and you have a window by the front you can watch the slowly increasingly shyness (due to alcohol consumption) seep away from some in the street as they start to visit one of the more "interesting" establishments in Mary Street. No need to give that a plug, if that suits your style you will find it, or know about it already.

Right next door is the Euro, stop by there for a drink first (food review coming soon), yet a piece of advice, and only because it’s a nice feeling to feel special - even though your not - go and take your table in the restaurant and then let them know you might like a drink next door and you can 'pass' through the hidden passage way between Urbane and The Euro. Silly? Yep, yet hey it’s all in the name of fun.

Moving on. Food? The food is great, its clean, fresh, and some great ideas are going on in the head of Head Chef - does that make sense? However, and this is one of two criticisms I have about the food, the first: for the obvious ability and skill of Chef and her kitchen the boat is firmly anchored close to the shore. Poor analogy yes, yet you get the point. There is a lot talent here and it’s a shame that so many of the plates seem to be 'playing it safe'. Maybe Brisbane - and I know, sadly it isn’t - isn’t ready for wild and rollercoaster rides when it comes to food, yet the food here appears to be stuck between the two. On the one side its new and inventive and some clever ideas, and on the other it's safe and paired back from being truly outrageous (in a good way) and creative.

I want to add that the presentation is stunning. I like my food dressed and tarted up to look amazing and this does. All the usual swirls and brush strokes and droplets of sauce are here, yet it works and it looks good. Sometimes it’s a little wanky and pretentious, yet not here, this is on the money.

My other criticism, and I will get it out the way now with the food was the dessert, or should I say desserts. Now, if I recall correctly there were 3 dessert courses as part of the 12 course degustation. Thank god I have some anonymity as Chef or the kitchen may knife me for this, yet the desserts are bland and boring.

Whoops, it’s been said now. The other courses were delicious, and each flowed well after each other, and as I have mentioned they were all clean and crisp and fresh and kept your interest. Then comes the desserts, while they were nice they just didn’t wow me, or our table. It seemed as though the creativity and dare I say interest stopped at dessert. Maybe our expectations where to high – I don’t think so - yet while you could see the thought process and the reasoning behind the desserts they just didn’t work in so much as delivering what could have been an absolutely outstanding menu.

Moving on. Drinks? Great! Not much else to say other than great. As usual and this is all too typical of anywhere is the whiskey (Scotch) list was poor. The usual suspects lined up and were politely passed on. Really, what is wrong with a restaurant buying some very well aged (and expensive) whiskeys for their clientele? Enough said as this is a real pet hate of mine.

A good selection of cocktails – The Euro that is – and the wine list is extensive and quite a good number by the glass. My only comment about the wine list is that while extensive and on the whole well planned there does seem to be a few to many wines added for the sake of it. The list is not overly complicated, yet some of these could be binned – literally, and replaced with a much better selection making this a very through and well thought-out wine list.

A BIG however is that some of the prices are just simply, get ready a naughty word is coming: taking the piss. Even by some very worrying restaurant prices there are some amazingly brave decisions on this price list, yet there are a number of wines which were surprisingly reasonable – in so far as paying for wine in a restaurant can be reasonable.

Lastly we come to service, and sorry Urbane I cannot hold back on this. The service by some is brilliant! It really is, friendly and engaging without being nosy and they take a pride or interest, however you wish to look at it in the food and their service style to you as a customer, yet then there are others. Wow, and as I say, sorry, yet service generally falls into three categories: all staff are exceptional and well trained; all are bad and you wonder why they are there; and very seldom do you get some very good and some very bad, yet this is one of those occasions.

There are a couple I could mention, yet as he is the face many will deal with throughout the night I should make particular reference to ‘the man’ and his wines. In a nutshell, he was rude, arrogant and totally uninterested, and this seemed to be a theme that ran across the floor all night. His manner was as I say rude and completely uninterested. Maybe it was his last night (which I know it wasn’t) and he didn’t care, yet it’s pretty poor form and when many people tend to remember the negatives this is not one you care to recall.

The staff in The Euro and upstairs in The Laneway were great, especially the guys in The Laneway, and as I say some in Urbane were wonderful, yet when only half the floor is firing that night it doesn’t reflect good, and I should add when it’s so clearly obvious. I hoped this was a one-off, yet I hear from some it’s not, then all I can suggest is a rethink or a refresher for all your staff is well overdue. I think that’s all I will say about this.

So, as I said at the start I had mixed feelings about whether to make this a one line review or the god knows how many it has ended up being. Urbane is a great place to eat. You have the added bonus of a more sedate environment to have a drink of any persuasion before a more formal dinner, a wonderful dining area no matter which one you are in – upstairs or down, food that will interest you and make you wonder how they did it, and a great spot to end the night with a few drinks in a more ‘lively’ environment. So when you are wondering where to eat tonight or next week pick-up the phone and give these guys a call, you will not be disappointed and might just find yourself back again to see how the menu evolves as the Chef’s thoughts evolve.

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This review, like all restaurant reviews - unless clearly stated, is based on a visit to the particular establishment within a 4 week period of the review. This could mean it was last night, or 3 weeks ago. In an effort not to identify dinners, usually sufficient time will have passed so that hopefully any little peculiarities cannot be recalled to specific dinners, should such an event have taken place.

This review, like all reviews is not to detail the experience in depth, nor detail the menu, nor provide photographic samples of the food, location or anything else. This review, like all reviews is intended to provide some basic information from which you, the reader, can make an informed decision as to whether this establishment is suited to your dining needs and tastes.

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Ohhh sh!t - there's a critic in the corner!

I often wonder what resulting panic ensues when a critic - of some note lets say - is found to be lurking in the corners of a restaurant. You hear stories that there are pictures of certain critics on kitchen walls and staff are trained to recognise when one of these feared critics enters a room, yet, is all this true? Yep, it sure is!

It must be a double edge sword in some ways, say you are a critic, a renowned critic of some repute and you go out for dinner. Now this is just a causal dinner with friends (mmm, do critics have friends?) or family yet the restaurant is one that has a half-way decent reputation and hence keeps an eye out for critics. In walks the critic, obviously it wasn't booked under his name and while not "judging" or there to "make official comment" the staff's eyes light up, hell! its Mr X, as they casually yet nervously seat the table, run through some basics before rushing off to get the drinks list and menu they make a B-line for the kitchen. "Chef! Chef! Mr X is here. Table 9"

• Now let's be honest for a moment, its not like the critic is about to say: "wait, wait, wait, I'm not here in an official capacity, I'm just out for a nice meal with friends, so don't worry about trying to go over the top, just relax"

Now this changes the whole dynamic of the evening, and this is where the 'job' of a critic walks a very fine balance and must, or should have a very good bullshit detector. Why? Lets be honest, my custom or the average persons in the street is a case of: yes, lets make sure they leave happy and satisfied yet we aren't going to roll out the red carpet for them, so you and I get the real world treatment, this may be good or bad, yet it's the everyday service without bells and whistles and the over the top tarting up of all things "my restaurant is".

Now a great restaurant doesn't need to worry about this because it is a great restaurant for a reason, however they still succumb to this flurry and sweaty brow sphincter clenching evening of making sure service is not just A1, yet AAA111+, drinks are always topped up - sadly often to the point of being annoying and/or intrusive - yet this is where brilliant floor staff come into there own, water is chilled and topped up, plates cleared in a timely fashion - yet not to quick, and of course the kitchen must be a nightmare. Cooked to better than perfection (if that's possible?), presentation that is good enough to hang in a gallery and on it goes.

Now Mr X (or Ms Y) - we are back to them in their role as 'working' critic - will expect to be recognised, and will expect things might be a little over the top, yet they should be able to detect this and see past the "kiss-arse" repartee of staff and kitchen. However, their experience will always be tarnished, that is it is not the real world experience that you and I experience.

Sure there are 'hidden' and 'secret' proxy critics who dine on behalf of more recognisable or known critics and report back, yet I doubt very much that - or at least I would be shocked beyond belief if it was true - for example Pat Nourse or John Lethlean put their name to an article for which they had no direct experience of. Shit, call me naive yet hopefully there is still some professional integrity left in the world.

So when you or I read Gourmet Traveller or The Australian we are reading something that might not quite reflect what we will actually get, as they say: on the night. This applies across the board whether you are considered the best of the best, or just some average 'cafe', the experience I get is not what they get, and so, does the review reflect reality or a warped version of it?

As I say I expect Mr X to see past the staff BS, yet they can't know if the food has been plated better than any other night, or if "special" attention was paid to the plates by Chef, or if all other meals were on hold for 10 mins while they beavered away for Mr X and his table, these are just unknown answers. And thus, given who they are its not like they can compare last night with next week as the treatment will always be the same, always! It might change slightly depending on what staff are on, or if Chef is in the kitchen that night, yet its always the same.

The another side of this is the feared "face" of critics. In my world a critic is someone, especially when in a business where your face is a disadvantage - and not just because you are ugly - then it somehow flies in the face to be a "critic" and everyone knows you. A prime example (sadly) of this is Matt Preston. A man who personally I think can't tell McDonald's from fine dining yet all the same his opinion at some point mattered, got a gig on TV, now he appears on some godforsaken load of "reality TV" - revealing the one asset (in his case a very ugly liability), his face, to the nation and now can you seriously be taken as a 'proper critic'?

Yep! He is taken more seriously than ever because he has been on TV, and unfortunately more 'power' than ever. So, because of TV and radio, his comments carry more weight, as does he, than they should, and importantly he is absolutely recognisable and the service, food and full experience cannot begin to reflect what you or I will received.

This also applies to the English critics Jay Rayner and A.A Gill, to name a few.

So while being a wine critic is relatively easy - you can't just make a super-duper bottle of wine and give it just to the critic, your wine faces the same level of scrutiny as any other bottle you offer to anyone else. So knowing the critic, in the sense of who a critic is, matters not a tot when it comes down to whether or not your product is good. However, a food critic is rating/passing critical comment on actions and events which can be controlled. Thus, the more awareness of a critic etc., means more control can be influenced to (hopefully) ensure that the end result is more in your favour than had it been not known.

I guess the one aspect that annoys me the most is that the continued survival of a restaurant is the "average" person in the street coming along each night. Sure, if a critic such as any of those listed was to completely trash a Chef's food and restaurant then there might not be a tomorrow, yet given this doesn't happen all that often then you would think that its my ass they want to kiss as I will be the one to come back more often than the critic ever will!

While I might not be the "average" diner I refer to, the same still applies.